Need help right now?

If you're in the middle of divorce or separation and tonight feels like too much, you're in the right place. You don't have to have a plan. You just have to take the next small step.

I'm Peter. I went through my own separation four years ago, and I built The Rebuilders for the version of me who needed this page.

If you're in crisis right now

If you're thinking about ending your life, or you're afraid you might hurt yourself: you don't have to carry that alone, and you don't have to be "bad enough" to call.

  • Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline). Free, 24/7. Chat is at chat.988lifeline.org.

  • Text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line). Free, 24/7. Your first message can say anything.

  • If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

If you're not in danger but you're spiraling and need a human, the Ground Zero Circle below is built for exactly that. But if you're not sure, call 988 first. They'd rather hear from you too early than too late.

If you or your kids aren't safe

If your partner is hurting you, threatening you, controlling you, or scaring you, that's not a "rough divorce." It's a safety issue, and you deserve support. This applies to dads and moms.

Planning to leave safely matters. If you think your phone or email is being watched, use a device they can't access.

If you need to feel less alone: Ground Zero Circle

You're not the only one sitting in the car in the driveway.

Every week, dads and moms who are in the thick of divorce or separation get on a Zoom together. No fixing, no judgment, no sales pitch. Camera on or off, name or no name. Just people who get it, and a few real tools you can use that same night. It's free (donation-based, never required).

One hour, weekly, a small group, and a room full of people who are a few steps ahead of you or a few steps behind. Nobody has to share. You can just listen.

Join the next Circle

Not ready for a live call? Get the Sunday Reset. One thought. One step. One reminder. Every Sunday night.

Your first 72 hours

You don't need to solve your whole divorce this week. You need to eat, sleep, stay safe, and not do anything permanent in a temporary storm. Here's the short list.

Tonight

  • Eat something and drink water, even if you're not hungry.

  • Text one person: "Rough night. Can you check on me tomorrow?" You don't need to explain.

  • Put your phone away from the bed. No scrolling their social media at 2 a.m.

  • If the thoughts get dark, use the crisis numbers at the top of this page. Don't wait.

Tomorrow

  • Write down every question you have and park them on one page. Your brain can stop holding them.

  • Don't move out, sign anything, empty an account, or confront anyone yet. Slow is safe.

  • Move your body for 10 minutes. A walk counts.

  • Keep a simple note of dates, what was said, and what you've seen with the kids. Facts only.

By day three

  • Book a consult with a family law attorney in your state. Many offer a free or low-cost first meeting.

  • Pull together basics: ID, recent pay stubs, bank and loan statements, the lease or mortgage, and anything related to the kids' schedules.

  • Come to a Ground Zero Circle. Listen, share, or just sit there.

  • Keep your kids' routine as normal as you can. They need steady more than perfect.

Questions only a pro can answer? Start here.

Legal

  • LawHelp.org: free legal information and referrals to nonprofit legal aid in every state and territory. Pick your state, find local help.

  • Your state or county bar association: most run a lawyer referral line with a free or low-cost first consult. Search "[your state] bar lawyer referral."

  • Your local family court's self-help center: many courthouses have one, with forms and guidance for people without a lawyer.

Everyday needs (rent, food, utilities, childcare)

  • Dial 211 or visit 211.org to be connected to local assistance programs.

Emotional support that isn't a crisis line

  • NAMI HelpLine: call 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or text NAMI to 62640, Monday to Friday, 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. ET. Free, with information and referrals. Call or text 988 outside those hours if it's a crisis.

Alcohol or drugs are creeping in

  • SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357). Free, confidential, 24/7, 365 days a year, in English and Spanish. Treatment referral and information.

I'm not a lawyer or a therapist, and I won't pretend to be. I'm a guy who's been in the chaos. These are the places I'd point my own friend.

The Rebuilders is peer support and education from people who've lived divorce and separation. We are not a crisis service, and we are not a substitute for legal, financial, medical, or mental health advice. If you are in danger or thinking about harming yourself, call 911 or call or text 988. Information on this page is general, may not fit your situation, and laws vary by state.